In part she talks about what childfree have been talking about for while now – that the choice not to have children is not talked about enough (although it is talked about much more these days than in the past), and when it is, the childfree sentiment is At Last, someone wants to hear from us!

She also makes the point that…

…that a lot of childfree that she has talked to have occupations that involve kids.  Indeed, the notion that all childfree don’t like kids is just not the case.  We just choose not to raise our own.

But she adds a nice twist–there will be soon 7 billion people on the planet, and not bringing another person onto the planet is one of the best things you can do for the earth and the people already on it.  The calculation on greenhouse gas emission impact is startling–when you have child it goes up by 570% — because you not only  have the kid, but then the kid has a kid, etc. It is a ” massive increase in your own impact.”  On Earth Day this is something to think about.

Population also comes up on a day like today. While many experts say that we have already passed the point of being able to sustain the population we have, Fred Pearce, an environmental journalist, might disagree.  He was on The Daily Show last night with Jon Stewart, and ironically has positive thoughts about our population.  He indicated that world population will stabilize soon because women are having fewer children. Why? Because they are in or are going into the workforce. When faced with take a job or have a baby, he says women take the job.  Mmmm.  In need to see the research and data on that.  

He predicts that our population will stabilize in 2040 at 8 billion and then begin a decline after that.  By then, he may be right, but we will be way beyond sustainability at that point.  It is more than women just continuing to have about two babies.  One child or none would make a better difference for the population numbers and for greenhouse gas emissions for those of us who are here along with 8 billion others! Frankly that number is a scary thought.  I’d like to see a visual of what that would really look and feel like. If we could, I bet even Pearce would not be as optimistic.

Do you think people will take Lisa points to heart and truly consider having one child or none for the good of the planet? 

Do you know of Pearce’s work or his book, The Coming Population Crash: Our Planet’s Surprising Future?

In 1965, she was the Executive Director of Planned Parenthood League of Connecticut. She and Dr. C. Lee Buxton, a physician and professor at the Yale School of Medicine, decided to test the constitutionality of the Connecticut law banning contraception (in place since 1879), by …

..opening a birth control clinic. They were tried and found guilty, and the conviction was upheld in Appellate Division of the Circuit Court, and by the Connecticut Supreme Court. Griswold appealed her conviction to the U.S. Supreme Court, and it concluded that 1879 Connecticut Statute was unconstitutional on the grounds that it violated the “right to marital privacy.” Evan Wolfson states in Why Marriage Matters, this decision meant that “The Court recognized <in Griswold> the right not to procreate in marriage.”

Griswold was an instrumental force in helping women gain control over their reproductive lives. Keeping this control, to me, remains part of the meaning of feminism. To Bernstein and Aronowitz, being feminists is “being conscious of and angry about gender injustice” and “being conscious of how your gender affects your life and how it affects our laws and social norms.” I think their predecessors would have agreed with them. 

On their road trip they learned there are a lot of misconceptions out there, even “among smart, irreverent and socially aware women.”  It surprised them that women were bogged down by negative associations they have with feminism and what they think it means academically. They also found that in economically depressed areas, young women saw feminism as “elitist.” But of Southern women in conservative states, they found they were the most “forward thinking..had fresh and fierce ideas, and weren’t stuck in the same feminist boxes.”  Griswold would have loved that for sure!

For childfree women, gender identity issues remain a part of feminism that needs further exploration and definition. The question, “What does it mean to be a woman if you do not become a mother?” has not really been answered. Mardy Ireland, in Reconceiving Women takes it on in for the first time in1993.  Maybe it is time to take this question on the road to childfree women!

Childfree women – we are examples of women who have separated motherhood from female identity..but how would you characterize our female identity?  Love to hear your thoughts!

The piece brought to mind things I’ve learned from childfree men in developing Families of Two to date. When I’ve asked men about why they chose not to have children, I’ve been surprised at how many tell a similar story.  From an early age they saw their parents’ struggles (their father’s in particular) — having enough money to raise the kids, working two jobs, never home, etc. that they decided then this was not the kind of life they wanted for themselves when they grew up.  

While we might think that with couples the woman more often than not drives the decision about having children or not, I was surprised to learn that ..

..this is not the case.  Even though more men than not talk about being able to go either way (if she wants them I would, if not, I am fine not having them), some have very strong feelings about not having children, to the point that if his mate wanted them, it would be a deal breaker.

In talking to childfree men I’ve also learned that they tend to have been raised to value their independence, and are comfortable with more egalitarianism in their relationships. Domestics are more evenly split, and his income being more than hers is not a given; it is not so uncommon to see the women making as much or  more than the men…and they are fine with that (research suggests that it is Not fine for a lot of men). 

So often men talk about wanting to have kids to carry on the family name and leave a legacy.  Childfree men are less traditional when it comes to family name stuff, and may want to leave a legacy, but do not see reproducing themselves as the only way a person can do this.

While childfree women and men share similar experiences and concerns, they have their own as well.  Kudos to Lori and her friend for letting us hear more from childfree guys…

And we need to hear more. To childfree men out there: tell us your story–how did you decide you did not want to have children? What is the most challenging about having made this choice?

But at about 40, she says she got “slammed” by the biological clock. An intense need came over her body, and she was “wrestling it down” to preserve other areas of her life. She is married and is a step-parent to her husband’s daughter. Her husband doesn’t want to have more children, she has an awesome step kid, so although her body was crying out to have a child, she decided to remain “biologically child-free.” 

She makes the point that by not honoring our biological urge we deny a most basic need – one that comes from the reptilian part of our brains. This made me think of the many childfree women I’ve talked with …

about the biological urge.  Most would they disagree that it is denying a most basic need…many women do not feel this thing called the biological urge.  Vicki, from Families of Two, summed it up the way many childfree women would – the urge is not to procreate; the urge is to have sex!

But is there real evidence of the biological clock? I went looking for the latest. The hottest off the press is a newly released collaboration study between St Andrews and Edinburgh Universities. It attempts to solve the inner workings of the biological clock. Based on a mathematical model of the decline in ovarian reserves, it basically says women lose about 90% of their eggs by the age of 30.

Yet Adelaide University Professor and fertility expert, Rob Norman, says that while he was surprised by the sharp drop-off in the number of eggs, it was a “mathematical model that was not predictive for women.”

Beyond the fact that experts seem to disagree on how to predict women’s egg loss, I am left with these questions—

How does the decrease in eggs tie to the longing we are supposed to get? Does the “urge” come when women are getting down to the final few (eggs that is) and it is our bodies saying get about using them?

As we enter perimenopause, women know hormones are a changing—does this hormone shift somehow relate to the longing, the last reproductive stand?

How does this ovarian decline, however it really works, relate to women who simply do not feel the bio urge and have no clock ticking?

What do you think?

Do you know of real evidence of the bio urge and clock, beyond egg counts?

Tell us what you know and think~

Tiffany Brown describes her “mental” desire not to have biological children. But ultimately, her emotional desires won out.  She recently became pregnant.

The jury may be out on the bio urge and the ticking clock, but I sure see how emotional desire is the key.  Beyond all the mental reasons people can come up with to have kids or not, in the end, ultimately it is matter of the heart. Tiffany finally did what hers had been calling her to do. And those who are childfree do the same.

He also says that “some” parents express having regret, which is ironic because.. ..he has also surveyed Lots of parents in the past and reported that over half would not make the same choice if they had the chance to do it again. Why doesn’t he bring this up in this segment??

Kudos though to what he says about people who are pressuring you to have kids. To this he says,  ”You cannot give your power away to those people.”  When you let others’ pressure get to you that is what it is…giving your power away.

Also catch blogger Daisy Duke’s insightful take on Dr. Phil on Childfreedom.com– 

The good news is we the childfree are getting more light shed on us.  Getting on Dr. Phil is a sign.  Me appearing on The Early Show, Good Morning America and other talk shows and lots and lots of radio has been a sign…But we have a ways to go.  Starting with the wanna be grandmother on the show who wanted Dr Phil to convince the childfree couple to have kids!  The right question there should have been–Why do YOU want to be a grandparent?

Check out Dr. Phil on this–how do you think he could have handled this segment better?