They were gracious enough to answer a few “decade later” questions:

What were your reasons for choosing not to have kids, and how would those reasons be different today, if at all?

Nathan: We didn’t feel the urge to be parents. It’s not a “lifestyle” choice (I don’t really care for that term) – you should only start a family if it’s something you’re burning to do, and we weren’t feeling that fire.

Vicki: Added to that for me is the fact that I didn’t have the greatest childhood.  So I can’t say I have a lot to recommend it.  Plus, I’ve always been more focused on my life as an artist than anything else.

Over the last ten years, was there ever a time when you revisited the idea of raising children?

Nathan: No. Vicki: Ditto!  Though I will add that when I fully entered menopause there was a momentary twinge — not that I suddenly wished I’d had kids, but that I hated no longer having the option of eternally saying “no”!

Looking at society general, in the last decade what have you observed about being childfree in our culture?

Nathan: I haven’t noticed a difference over time – not that I pay much attention. But, having moved across the country since our interview, we’ve certainly noticed a geographical difference. Compared to the west coast, life in New England feels much more family-centered. People here spend much more of their free time engaged with their families versus outside activities. For us, that’s made it much harder to meet and keep friends.

Vicki: I’m not sure it’s more accepted.  Almost all the childfree couples I know are around our age (we definitely got the message on zero population growth!).  If anything, I’m seeing *more* children.  That may be a function of living in family-centric New England.  I can see how the pressure of not wanting to be an outsider (like us) could be enough to induce someone who’s been ambivalent to decide in favor of having kids.  Though, to be honest, I’m not sure most people give it that much thought.  It seems to be more a matter of when, not if.

What advice would you give couples who are trying to decide whether or not they want to become parents?

Nathan: I know I’m bucking a major trend here, but if you think you want them: don’t wait too long. Honestly, I have no idea how anyone over 30 finds the energy or endurance to raise children.

Vicki: If you can see yourself being happy, fulfilled, or complete doing anything else, do that. Parenting is not the only way to create.

And create they have. For example, when I interviewed them, they talked about the theater company they once started called Open Heart Theatre-how it “required us to support each other and maintain the ability to do an infinite amount of work to bring art into the world.  Many people benefited from what we did at Open Heart.”

They are a great example of the many ways couples can co-create beyond biological offspring~

Thank you, Vicki and Nathan!

What ways have you seen couples living the childfree life co-create together?

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It starts with the parents

As Kristen recounts, some of the girls she interviewed for the film said they wanted to get pregnant because they didn’t feel they are “good” at anything, and can see motherhood as a way to be good at something–in this case, something big that is revered in our society.

This lack of self-esteem, and how they try to solve it changes their lives forever.  If girls could be given more help to increase their self-confidence and vision for themselves and their lives, seems to me that more would make a different choice than thinking becoming a mother is the answer to their problems.

Where does the self-esteem work begin? With effective parenting. What might get in the way of this?  If the parents have esteem issues themselves. To help instill confidence and self-worth in girls, the parents have to have it themselves. When they don’t, the odds are their daughters won’t either, and will look for ways to feel good about themselves. If they choose motherhood they end up learning the hard way that it is not the answer, and in fact, their lives just got harder.

Quality life skills education in schools

There also needs to be more life skills programs in schools so teens not only get comprehensive sex and birth control education, but learn the many benefits of not getting pregnant too early in life. 

These kind of programs need to better encourage teens to think about what they want for themselves and their lives. They also need to expose young people to the reality that parenthood is not just a matter of when (and to be very smart about that when),but whether –that choosing the childfree life may be what is right for them, given what they think they want to do with their lives.

While we have a ways to go to integrating the idea that parenthood is optional into these kinds of programs, there have been programs that help girls have goals other than motherhood, and have shown decreases in teen pregnancies. Take the National Adolescent Sexuality Training Center for the Children’s Aid Society in New York City. The program included guaranteed college admission, employment, personal savings plans, medical services, and a “focus on skills and values related to lifetime sports, self-expression and family life and provides sex education and counseling services.”

And some new data from the Dept of Health and Human Services is on one hand encouraging—a new report indicates that  57% of teen females and 46% of males reported they would be ‘‘very upset’’ if they became pregnant right now. 

However, the reports shows that the U.S. birth rate for females aged 15–19 was 39.1 births per 1,000 females, and that 13% of females and 19% of males reported they would be ‘‘a little pleased’’ or ‘‘very pleased’’ if this happened.  

So like with the Gloucester young women, plenty of young women and men need to be awakened to the realities of parenthood coming too soon in one’s life.

What did the Gloucester interview make you think about? What do you think are ways to address the unintended and intended teen pregnancy?

Continuing my interview with producer, Kristen Grieco Elworthy on the teen pregnancy story that made international headlines and is now a documentary:

Why did those who got pregnant want to get pregnant as a teen?

What was my own observation, as a woman about 10 years older than these girls who personally put college/career above having kids? I saw some level of girls who did not have an identity or maybe did not feel that they were “good” at anything, and motherhood was an answer for them. As women, we are told that we all have the capability to be a good mother. Imagine the draw of that…

…if you are feeling that you have no other purpose in life. This type of theory is supported by research. I should add that no statement I’m making describes all the girls, but I personally felt that some fell into this category.

Those who became mothers, what are their lives like now?

This question brings up a good point. Not all 18 girls did end up having their children. The exact numbers are still a bit sketchy and we’re not sure of why some babies were not delivered due to medical privacy laws.

The girls who did have their children have very varied lives. Some still live with their parents. Others live with boyfriends (either the fathers of their children or new men). Some are alone. They all struggle day to day with being parents at such a young age, most have not pursued higher education and they work retail, etc. to make ends meet.

For the most part, these girls live for their kids. They seem to truly be trying to do the right thing–but it’s easy to see that they have it far rougher than someone in a more traditional situation, or someone who at least had the chance to finish their education and start earning some sort of income before being thrust into parenthood.

The occurrence of second and even third children among these girls is FAR higher than the national average of 25%. We are taping some updates now and may recut the film to include why this might be the case.  We also want to update to show what has happened to these girls once the cameras went away. By revisiting them, we give them another chance to complete their stories, which I think are really important to understanding the psyche of teen mothers.

What does the film tell us about teen pregnancy today?

Every girl in our film told a different story, but there are some universal truths that we saw about teen pregnancy. First, it’s so important to give girls self-confidence and a vision for the future. They can be moms, and great ones at that, but that should not be looked at as the “default” necessarily. Give them the confidence to pursue education and a career, because all of us should have the ability to support ourselves–and our children.

Having open, honest conversations about teen pregnancy is so important. Twenty percent of all teen pregnancies ARE intentional–that number is huge! And with 750,000 girls getting pregnant in the U.S. each year, that percentage is particularly significant. But teen pregnancy affects more than just the mom. The child is the biggest collateral; kids of teen parents just don’t do as well in school, aren’t as healthy, are more likely to face teen pregnancy, poverty, and even incarceration, studies show.

And for the rest of us? The effects of teen pregnancy cost billions of dollars of taxpayer money a year. It’s a problem that we should all be interested in facing and fixing.

Thanks, Kristen!

To her idea of sending the message that motherhood should not be looked at as the “default,” I say amen to that.  My post interview musings on this topic to come…

Check out the film at prescreen.com and the film’s facebook page.

What are your thoughts about teen pregnancy today?

Give readers a brief summary of the story.

In the summer of 2008, news broke nationwide that 18 high school girls from the fishing village of Gloucester, Mass. had made a pact to become pregnant. The story was never much more specific, and it origins were humble; I know because I was a local reporter in Gloucester and worked on the story. But when TIME picked up on the story after the resignation of Dr. Brian Orr and Nurse Practitioner Kim Daly of the school’s in-school health clinic, it became a national sensation.

The in-school clinic was a general health clinic (administered meds, diagnosed the flu, etc.) that also did pregnancy tests, and Kim counseled some of the girls on birth control. She was a really trusted source for them. When she noticed a spike in pregnancy tests–she had done nearly 200 tests halfway through the year—and that these girls were coming in repeatedly for tests, she and Dr. Orr went to the hospital that oversaw the clinic to get permission to prescribe them birth control.

They believed that if she could have immediate access to the girls and prescribe birth control instead of them having to go to their doctor (likely with a parent in tow), she might prevent some pregnancies. However, Orr and Daly got into a prolonged battle with the overseeing clinic, and when they felt that they could no longer do the best thing as medical professionals, they resigned. Their story was the lightning rod for the national coverage.

There was a spike in pregnancies at the school. The school principal, for reasons to this day known only to him, used the words “clique” and “pact” to describe the pregnancies. However, no one talked to the girls themselves, so we really did not know if the crux of the story–that the pregnancies were intentional–was actually true or not.

Why did you decide to make the story into a film?

When the story broke nationally, the rumor mill spun completely out of control. As journalists, the film’s Director John Williams and I saw how these girls’ stories had been told by rumors and assumptions from often irresponsible reporters. We and associate producer Joe Provenzano knew something was not right.

We are the only people who spoke directly with the majority of these girls, and got real insight into their minds and motivations. Whether you agree with the girls or not, we felt that they should have a chance to be heard, and that people would be interested in their stories.

Is the “pact” rumor true?

I won’t tell you here but it is answered in the film. But I will tell you that the actual story told from the girls themselves, is far more interesting than what was portrayed in the media or by Lifetime in a fictional film.

Why did those who got pregnant want to get pregnant as a teen?

We heard one recurring theme: many of the girls came from unstable backgrounds and were looking to create their own family as means of stability and/or love. We also heard from girls who had dated men a bit older (e.g., one girl was 16 and the guy 21) who told us that the “older” guys were “mature” and ready for families. (Side note: the guys in these cases did NOT stick around.) In some cases, there was an element of seeking or wanting attention.

What was my own observation, as a woman about 10 years older than these girls who personally put college/career above having kids?

Kristen will tell you in Part II ~ and talk more on their motivations, what happened to these girls, and what the film tells us about teen pregnancy today…

Meanwhile, you can check out the film at prescreen.com and the film’s facebook page.

What have your read or heard about this story?

In your research, what did you find regarding the stereotypes about Israelis who don’t want children?

The research brings to light how many stereotypes are pinned onto the childfree in Israel, and how similar they are to those in the U.S., namely, that childfree people are self-centered, child-haters, and freaks, who must have experienced trauma as children.

One widely accepted stereotype that my research challenged was the notion that women who don’t want children are inevitably career women. I found that most women participants do not see themselves as career women, but see their jobs chiefly as a source of income. They value their free time above their jobs, whether it be to spend their time on personal studies, hobbies, volunteer work or community activity.

What do you see as the unique challenges of being childfree in Israel compared to other countries?

The reasons for being childfree in Israel are similar to those in other Western countries, the main difference being the cultural backdrop against which this decision takes place.

Israel is in first place worldwide when it comes to utilizing fertility technologies and in the accessibility of these technologies to the public. There is significant national funding for these procedures in our country. Israel also has higher birth rates than are common in other developed countries.

Israeli society is heavily permeated by the religious discourse of “be fruitful and multiply” which perceived as one of the tenants of being Jewish. The memory of the Holocaust is a strong motivating factor (not necessarily conscious of course) for procreation as well. The State of Israel has also been subject to existential concerns brought on by the constant state of struggle and wars over its existence, and by the Jewish-Palestinian conflict, a situation that many people feel requires maintaining a Jewish majority as part of the ‘demographic balance’ discourse.

All these factors cause the pronatalist ideology to be particularly predominant and omnipresent in everyday life in Israel. Children are cherished and even perceived as sacred by Israeli society, and their shoulders are burdened with many expectations, on the national as well as the personal level. The pressure to procreate and the message that not having children means both shirking one’s civil duty and denying happiness from oneself – are being directed at individuals from every possible direction. These messages are everywhere – in commercials, in the media, in personal therapy sessions, in the workplace, on the street and at family dinner tables.

All of these factors point to the fact that in Israel, 2011, it is difficult to be childfree. Even if certain Israelis feel that the childfree decision is a non-issue for themselves and their social circle, for the majority, it is indeed still very much an issue, and one that has its own prices.

There is a lack of information about the childfree choice in Hebrew. The publishing of this book is an activist act that aims to expand the bounds of free choice for all people in general, and for women in particular.

Thank you so much, Orna!

Orna is currently a Ph.D. student in sociology and anthropology at Tel Aviv University, Israel. She also does volunteer work as chairwoman in one of the rape crisis centers in Israel.  She has published the article: “Pro-Natalism and its ‘Cracks’: Narratives of Reproduction and Childfree Lifestyles in Israel”, Israeli Sociology, 2009/2010, Vol. 11, Issue 2, Pp. 417-439 (in Hebrew).

Making a Choice: Being Childfree in Israel was published by Miskal – Yedioth Ahronot Books and Migdarim/Hakibutz Hameohad (in Hebrew).

What else do you know about be in childfree in Israel? Thoughts, please!