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Rocking the Life Unexpected: 12 Weeks to Your Plan B for a Meaningful and Fulfiling Life Without Children Paperback – October 31, 2013
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1:5 women in the UK/USA, Canada & Australia are currently turning 45 without having had a child. Although some are childfree by choice, many others are childless-by-circumstance and are struggling in a life they didnt expect and for which there are no roadmaps. Most people think that women without children either couldnt or didnt want to be mothers. The truth is much more complex.
A mixture of autobiography, social history and self-help, "Rocking the Life Unexpected" is a book that blends the personal, the political and the practical to support childless-by-circumstance women to move forward with their lives. Its British author, Jody Day, is the founder of Gateway Women, the global friendship and support network for childless-by-circumstance women.
Reading this book feels like sitting on the couch with a good friend, a bottle of wine, and a box of Kleenex. Yes, there'll be tears, but there'll be laughter and camaraderie, and at the end of the book, there'll be the feeling that it's all going to be okay in the end. Lisa Manterfield, author of the award-winning "Im Taking my Eggs and Going Home" and the Founder of LifeWithoutBaby.com
Each of the 12 chapters has a specific focus and contains exercises to help you look at your personal situation. The book can be read alone or as part of an online or local Gateway Women reading group. Week by week, this book will guide you as you work through the distress, confusion and isolation of your situation and towards your very own Plan B for a meaningful and fulfilling life without children.
Now in her late 40s, Jody realised at the age of 43 that her quest to be a mother was finished. She presumed that she was through the toughest part but over the next couple of years was hit by waves of grief, despair and isolation. At times her reality felt almost unendurable, as was the way that her situation was trivialised by others. She looked in vain for recognition and support amongst her dwindling peer group, the therapeutic profession and online, but found nothing except childfree sites, some of which disturbed her deeply with their anti-kids rhetoric.
Rocking the Life Unexpected shares what Jody learned as she pulled herself from the pit of despair she found herself in and how she found a way to make her life feel meaningful again.
It is unlike any other book about childlessness because of its three-tiered approach:
Personal: Jodys own story of how she came to be a childless-by-circumstance woman through a combination of childhood issues, ambivalence, unexplained infertility, divorce and subsequent social infertility - at a time when it is still a taboo to be open about this. Most people refuse to acknowledge the stigma that surrounds childlessness, yet childless women experience it regularly from their friends, family, peers, colleagues and in the culture;
Political: how the women experiencing involuntary childlessness today are part of the shock absorber generation for the sexual revolution and why motherhood (or not) has become such a hot button issue and what we can do to increase societal understanding and create a more progressive and positive debate.
Practical: what childless women can do to themselves to recover from the pain, isolation and devastation of not becoming mothers, and how to move on and create a Plan B that is more than just a booby prize!
As Jody says: These days, I love my life again. If I had my time over, Id still wish to be a mother, but these days Im genuinely fine with the way things have turned out. I find Im able to enjoy the advantages of not being a mother, take pleasure in being around other peoples children without dying inside, and really look forward to my future again. I call that having a Plan B and this book is going to help you start moving towards yours.
- Print length288 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherCreatespace Independent Pub
- Publication dateOctober 31, 2013
- Dimensions6 x 0.75 x 9 inches
- ISBN-101493607278
- ISBN-13978-1493607273
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Product details
- Publisher : Createspace Independent Pub
- Publication date : October 31, 2013
- Language : English
- Print length : 288 pages
- ISBN-10 : 1493607278
- ISBN-13 : 978-1493607273
- Item Weight : 1.4 pounds
- Dimensions : 6 x 0.75 x 9 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #3,155,394 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #1,050 in Fertility
- Customer Reviews:
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- Reviewed in the United States on July 14, 2015I wasn't sure if this book would be all that useful, as although I'm childfree by circumstance I'm also a bit ambivalent about having children, but there was still a lot to identify within it in terms of social experience. Working through your grief, for what ever reason you are grieving, whether its from infertility or just not living the life you thought you would, is so important and I would recommend it just for that alone. Also some good ideas on how to move on and create a new direction if you're not sure what to do next. I found I was already doing some of them, but rather than thinking "oh well, I already knew that, how useless" it was more "Aha, I'm on the right track!" The Gateway Women community founded by the author is a great social support as well.
- Reviewed in the United States on November 5, 2013Jody Day does important work to help women in the UK, and now everywhere, feel like they are not alone in their, what I call, 'circumstantial infertility,' i.e. the grief one feels for not being able to have children because they do not have a partner. Chapter by chapter, Jody Day helps the reader know she is not alone and gives her steps for moving forward no matter how different her life looks from how she expected it to be.
As someone who writes about this modern social phenomenon in the United States and Canada, I am happy that Jody's work has made it across the pond!
Melanie Notkin
Founder, Savvy Auntie
Author, Savvy Auntie: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids (Morrow 2011)
Author, OTHERHOOD: Modern Women Finding a New Kind of Happiness (Seal Press / Penguin Canada - Feb 25, 2014)
- Reviewed in the United States on January 6, 2014This is a sensitive and thoughtful and practical 'tool box' of a book about an important subject. It helped a friend understand she wasn't alone in her feelings as an un-childed woman. A well written very accessible conversational read.
- Reviewed in the United States on December 6, 2013Format: PaperbackVerified PurchaseThis is a much needed book to break the isolation of childless by circumstance. Day is a brave pioneer and reassures that a woman's worth is not measured only by having children. She really brings some perspective on how at this particular time in history, society is almost manic about motherhood and babies which magnifies the pain and sense of worthlessness. She offers an action plan to get back to life and feeling fulfilled with the cards life has dealt. Reading this book is like chatting with a girlfriend. As with any good girlie chat it is thoughtful,emotional,reassuring and funny. Gives encouragement to brush off the dust and get on with life as you are certainly not alone in this challenge. I hope Day gets high profile attention so that more women can live life to the fullest despite heart breaking disappointments (and be stronger for it!)
- Reviewed in the United States on January 30, 2015I read every word Jody Day wrote and will now start reading it all over again. I could relate to all her thoughts and experiences. It was by chance I discovered her book and her courage and frankness in sharing her experience was a life buoy to me. I felt as though she was talking directly to be from the other side of the world. Jody has opened a door to women without children and I have already told everyone I know who would benefit from reading this that this book is available. Thanks Jody for coming to New Zealand and getting media coverage. I wish I'd know earlier about your work. Caroline Fitzgerald.
- Reviewed in the United States on November 25, 2013Jody writes with such clarity about the reality of being 'Childless by Circumstance'. The book is very profound regarding the reality these women face. Jody walks the reader through the stages of grief by uncovering your story. She then gives the reader the ability to see things in a new light. There is hope on this journey. I have never found another book that speaks to both married and single women that are struggling with the reality of being childless.
- Reviewed in the United States on September 5, 2018Format: PaperbackVerified PurchaseThis book and the Gateway Community are THE BEST resource for those that are childless by circumstance. There were numerous times where the author had written something that was straight out of my own mind. I found the exercises in each section to be a huge help at reconnecting with my inner self. I just cannot say enough good things!
- Reviewed in the United States on March 28, 2014Maybe if I had been born in the 60's or 70's this book would be more meaningful. As it is, the approach is emowering with a feminist angle but assumes that the sexual revolution and the introduction of birth control were milestones in your life.
I'd summarize the message as "Women can choose so much more than they used to and shouldn't be defined by their reproductive power alone."
That is a great message. But for me, all the stories feel out of date. I have always known I could choose a child-free life and still be a strong, powerful person, not just a strong woman. So this book doesn't help now that I am and always will be childless.
I am actually going to share this book with my single friends and friends who haven't started thinking about kids and mybe it will inform their life paths. And maybe with my mother so we can have a conversation starting on a more similar page.
Top reviews from other countries
- Amazon CustomerReviewed in Brazil on September 23, 2014
5.0 out of 5 stars Great!
Perfect! Every woman should read it! nd the author is so so kind! I am proud of myself now, girls!
- JoReviewed in Australia on July 2, 2015
5.0 out of 5 stars Just what I needed
Lots of practical advice to flip thoughts and challenge stereotypes. Gave me lots to think about and act on. Highly recommended.
- NessReviewed in the United Kingdom on January 4, 2014
5.0 out of 5 stars Buy it if you want to change your life
Format: PaperbackVerified PurchaseFinding Jody's Gateway Women community has been fabulous and was just what I had been looking for for more than a year, after a couple of miscarriages, and the realisation that at 43 I was slowly being driven insane by the 'am I, aren't I?' pregnant each month. I needed to find like minded women, and that's what GW is - a community of women who know what it feels like to have wanted children but to be coming to terms to a life without them.
By the time I bought this book I was already quite far along in dealing with my grief at being childless by circumstance, but the book has still helped me so much. The exercises at the end of each chapter have helped me to further understand my feelings and enabled me to be honest with myself.
If you are someone who has struggled to come to terms with your childlessness in recent years, then I can highly recommend this book as a way to help you move forward. I enjoyed reading it (and in fact I read it all before then doing the exercises) and I love its caring tone. We need to be kinder to ourselves, and this book can empower us to manage that. Buy the book and do yourself a favour
- MelissaReviewed in Australia on July 10, 2015
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
An insightful and helpful book for coming to terms with childlessness.
- ABReviewed in the United Kingdom on January 5, 2014
5.0 out of 5 stars I thought I was the only one until I read this book!
If you're trying to make sense of your childlessness, then this is the book for you. It is written in a gentle, humourous manner by Jody Day, who has walked the walk of childlessness herself and has clearly earned the right to talk the talk, without a hint of self pity or bitterness. For me, one of the most difficult aspects of childlessness has been and continues to be the sense of isolation and of feeling like the only person in the world with certain thoughts and feelings. As I read each chapter, I recognised everything I had ever thought and felt about being childless, but had believed that there was something wrong with me for thinking and feeling like that. To finally see that "I'm not the only one" was self and life affirming. It was like looking in a mirror and seeing myself looking back. The book doesn't take away the pain of not having my own child, but it provides a context and a support within which to build a meaningful and fulfilling life. This book was a breath of fresh air in my very stale inner room.