Families of Two: a decade later

Check out Lori Bradley’s recent piece on Bella Online’s Married No Kids Site.  She interviews a childfree colleague, who talks about his decision, relations with friends, workplace issues and more.

The piece brought to mind things I’ve learned from childfree men in developing Families of Two to date. When I’ve asked men about why they chose not to have children, I’ve been surprised at how many tell a similar story.  From an early age they saw their parents’ struggles (their father’s in particular) — having enough money to raise the kids, working two jobs, never home, etc. that they decided then this was not the kind of life they wanted for themselves when they grew up.  

While we might think that with couples the woman more often than not drives the decision about having children or not, I was surprised to learn that ..

Continue reading Hearing from Childfree Men

Tiffany Lee Brown’s story in my January 30 post got me thinking…She described herself as “biologically childfree.” She is a parent, yet considered herself childfree (I use this in the past tense because she is now pregnant). Cambridge dictionary online defines it as “people who choose not to have children.”  “Have children” in this definition does tend to imply having them biologically.

Wikipedia defines it as a “term used to describe individuals who neither have children nor desire to have children.”  In other words, they don’t want kids and don’t want their own.

But are people truly childfree if they say no to having their own, yet are playing the role of parent? Are they really childfree, say, if they are helping to raise children that came with their spouse? 

Continue reading Biologically Childfree vs Childfree

In interviewing couples for Families of Two, I met couples with a wide array of lifestyles.  A few couples had serious goals to change their lifestyle at a certain age, and retire early. One couple –a neonatalogist (doc that works with premature babies) and a yoga instructor, did just that. They made a plan, stuck to the plan and retired early several years ago. They sold most of their possessions and have been cycling around the world. 

Not all childfree with this goal have global adventure plans like this, but are living a happy early retired life. Take Deegee (his name for posting purposes). In 2008 he retired at the age of 45.  He recalls, “My first step toward early retirement unknowingly began when I was 20 years old. That year, I made the important decision that I did not want to ever have children.”  Deegee says when he made this decision his reasons were less financial, but the financial benefits became more important later when he realized he could amass the huge savings and maintain low expenses needed to be able to retire early.

For many people, their choice does involve serious financial considerations at the outset. Many end up deciding that the benefits they see in having children don’t offset the costs.  And you can estimate the costs; check out babycenter.com, which has a cost of raising a child calculator.  For example, if I had a child that was born this year, raise it in the city in the West in a two parent household with income above $64,000, and plan for my child to go to a public college, it would cost almost $356,000. 

Continue reading Childfree & Early Retirement

It does not seem fair to just do a post on the biological urge and the ticking clock without including the guys…Do men experience any kind of “urge” that is similar to what many women talk about?  

I went looking for research on this. There is lots of research about the biological clock in relation to what happens to men’s sperm as they age and how that affects fertility. Dr. Ethylin Jabs, director of the Center for Craniofacial Development and Disorders at Johns Hopkins, sums up research out there by saying the “bottom line is: as men age, the percentage of damaged sperm they carry in their testes tends to increase.”

Recent studies from Israel, California and Sweden have connected “late paternal age” (statistically, “late paternal age” starts at 30) with some serious medical conditions. The longer a man waits to have child, the more likely it is that his kid will be affected by..  Continue reading Taking on the Biological Clock II: The Guys