The childfree know that there are lots of ways we come to this decision. Many of us know early in life, and many come to the decision over time for a variety of reasons. But a recent comment by a guy on boingboing reminded of a reason we don’t hear about as much. The decision, or realization even, can come by way of miscarriage. Some couples have to admit a sense of relief.  As the boingboing  commenter says, “as horrible as this sounds, we weren’t as sad as we should’ve been.” It may be taboo to admit, but …

…some couples realize that after being in the position of thinking they were really going to become parents that maybe they didn’t want to be in that position after all.

While miscarriage is upsetting and unsettling, the realization coming from it can be an unintended blessing.  It can give couples a chance not to make a big mistake.

Some couples don’t realize this right away post-miscarriage. Like the boingboing commenter describes–they “halfheartedly talked about  “another attempt,” but then realized they were “just reciting the empty words” society expected of them. They came to realize that parenthood was not for them after all after talking about trying again, and recognizing why they might be considering trying again–because society tells us we’re supposed to have kids.

They finally got to looking at their true desire to become parents, not through the lens of societal expectations. A miscarriage can be a stressful way to get to the right decision, but the right decision nonetheless.

Thinking more about why you may or may not want a child before you start trying is the key.  If more people answered questions like: What experience would I be looking to have in having a child? Would parenthood be the only way I can have this experience?, they might come to see that parenthood is not what they’re seeking after all.

What other “tough” ways do the childfree come to this decision?

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