–Too much responsibility – I do not want to create someone that I will have to dedicate the rest of my life to. Being responsible for my own life is already a lot to be responsible for.
–Relationships are important – I believe my partner and I should be mutually involved and not have to dilute our love and attention to make a new ‘family’.
–Career focused – Making money is great, but I want to gain the knowledge and respect that makes me a star in the workplace.
–No drive – Changing diapers, teaching morals, going on field trips, the constant mental strain, etc. does not sound appealing to me. Therefore I choose not to opt-in.
–Have fun – Ultimately my moral in life is ‘do what makes me happy’. If traveling, working, sleeping in and spoiling my partner and friends are things that make me happy, then that’s what I plan on doing for the rest of my life.”
On her site she has insightful posts, articles and host of things for the interested childfree. In the last ten years following the childfree, I hear from more 20 something women who know who they are and what they want…in generations past, many women might not have been able to say that about themselves in their 20s! I also notice that many women in their 30s who have yet to decide one way or the other feel very stressed by it. They often get caught in analysis paralysis and just not be able to decide.
My take: sometimes the level of desire is not that great to tip it to a “yes”, but they have not settled this within themselves because they are still grappling with the idea they “should” want kids. Our heart knows the answer, and for some it can take longer to accept and go with that heart, and as Ranell says, have the courage to venture outside the bounds of strong cultural standards.
20 Somethings out there–or those who know them–when did you decide not to have kids? Why? What dollups of wisdom can you pass to others?
I just turned 30 a few months ago (so I’m not in this category any longer), but I made the conscious decision never to have kids when I was a young teenager. Before that, I was never a dolls and nurturing kind of girl, so it was something that I felt was natural. When I began to speak about that ideal to others, however…well, that’s when I realized it wasn’t seen as “natural” to those around me. *shrugs* To each her own.
I can relate to dolls etc just not feeling natural from a young age–do you get any hassle from family, friends? ~L